Why did I relate to Commander Shepard as a young adult?
Gamers everywhere will understand the feeling of picking up a video game when you are down or going through something. It helps lift the spirits or calm nerves, it lets us escape from real life for a bit. So when an opportunity of a lifetime came a long I knew I couldn’t miss it.
I had just turned 20 and my boss at the time was talking about a career opportunity that required someone to move to Cape Town to help start up a new branch. It all sounded really exciting and my family totally supported and understood my decision to go when I was offered the job. But for me, it wasn’t all it was hyped up to be.
To make a long story short it was really lonely since I left family and friends behind to make the move. I only knew two others who had joined me from the same company but worked under a different department. I didn’t know them too well so it didn’t really feel like we were close friends. Soon my work became everything to me, it was all I did. I would stay hours and hours at work and when it was my day off I would start stressing because I wasn’t working. Then one day I stopped off at a video game store and looked through the games. I usually never bought anything since nothing seemed to interest me. As I looked around I spotted a copy of Mass Effect for PC, read the back of it for a bit, and then said to myself that I would never have time to play it because of work. I remember carefully placing the copy back on the shelf and walking around some more, but just before leaving I decided that may as well buy it. It was on special and I was heading home anyway so I could try it for a bit.
Now feeling a little bit of excitement I quickly rushed home, started the installation process, did all the things I had to do and made myself a snack. Ready to give Mass Effect a try, up until then I knew very little of the game, only that it was well received from players.
Starting off I picked my Shepards back story. I choose earthborn, sole survivor and adept on every playthrough if you wanted to know.
When starting Shepard gets the fate of humanity placed on her shoulders as she is in the running to become the first human ‘Spectre’. We are told that this is a great honor as humans have long awaited to get the opportunity to stand among the rest of the galaxy. Little did we know what this all meant for Shepard, that she would have to carry not only the expectations of those who allowed her to become a Spectre but also quite literally the lives and the fate of everyone in the galaxy.
Thankfully along the journey she meets some interesting characters along the way who help lighten her burdens. The game makes us make some really difficult decisions in the first game, like leaving a teammate behind to die. It was incredibly hard for me to choose and I actually cried. I felt genuine guilt for their death and that was the moment I made the decision to never allow it to happen to any of my other team members. Having to carry the weight of that decision with you cannot be easy, and we often get reminded in the games how tough it must have been for Shepard to make that decision.
Mass Effect 2 was probably by far my favorite game out of the series. Towards the end the story takes you on a suicide mission that everyone keeps telling you wont come back from. I found from my experience in the first game that my main goal was to protect the people I loved at all costs. These team members have been through thick and thin with me throughout the course of the game and I wasn’t leaving that mission without all of them coming home with me. So when you manage to bring all your people home safely you feel proud (or at least I did!) because they became part of my family.
And that’s what Commander Shepard has taught me. You can make friends and allies in the most unlikeliest of places. So when I moved to Cape Town all on my own the Mass Effect games helped me through a lot of uncertainty and anxiety. To me the games were more about friendship, companions and never giving up. Throughout the entire Mass Effect Trilogy I never felt like I was alone, and that Shepard was everything I wanted to be. She was the person I wanted to become.
Today I can look at a lot of strong female heroes in new games, but very few have made the same level of impact she had on my life. Our situations are completely different but we both made it. I was scared to move out on my own, I was over 18 hours away from my family, my friends, and everyone and everything I knew. But I wanted to do something different, I wanted to challenge myself, I took a leap of faith and I went for it. I helped start up something great and felt really proud because of it. Not every day went as well as I wanted it to go but it’s the things I’ve learned from it that kept me going. I have done nothing as extraordinary as Shepard, like save the galaxy, but in my own way I did something I could be proud of and helped to change the lives of others. And who knows if the galaxy ever needs saving…my commander skills might kick in!
Although my small victories might be nothing in comparison to that of the great commander Shepard, with her risking her life everyday for the greater good and forming unforgettable connections with the people she encountered, I can’t help but dream that someday I could be as brave and strong as she had to be. Shepard never asked to be a hero, she never asked to be the savior of the galaxy. She would always say the same thing, she’s just a soldier doing her duty. And I think it’s that attitude that I found myself drawn to. While others saw her as a hero she kept herself down to earth and felt like she was just like everyone else. Just like you or me. The Mass Effect Trilogy helped me when I was alone and scared and it’s a story that I will never forget, it’s a game I will never stop playing. Every time I play through the story it reminds me that there is always something worth fighting for and that we can do anything as long as we have our friends and families close to us.
We all have heroes we look up to in video games, it’s a line I’ve used very often in my blog, but we can always learn something from the heroes we look up to. I’m incredibly thankful I found the Mass Effect trilogy all those years ago because after a long days work I got to go home to a place I was actually alone in and step into the role of Shepard. I could be the hero I so much wanted to be.
Every day after playing the games I could see my work improving, I was so determined to work harder and do my best. Shepard’s personality and drive began to rub off on me. Playing a video game that allows us to make our own choices had a great feeling to it, because we all want to do great things. We all want to be the heroes in our own way, even if that means being a hero is as simple as making others smile or doing something kind for someone else. That is something my Shepard never forgot as I played through the series. I always tried to do the right thing, help others out, and Shepard was always there to help guide me into making the right decisions. And because of her and how deeply her character resonates with me I would like to think that I would make those kinds of decisions in real life as well.
Looking back at so many of the games I’ve played and the heroes I connect with I cannot help but wonder why I try and relate to so many of them. I’m always looking to see if I can find a part of myself in their personality. I think it’s because I want to be a strong individual others can look up to, I want to be someone others can rely on. And for me, Shepard is the character that I can see myself in the most.
Lots of Love
Love what I do?
Consider donating to help keep the blog running. I appreciate every contribution to help me grow!!
This was such a great blog post! As I was reading how you got into this series, I thought to myself that your first encounter with the game at a games store was very similar to mine. I wrote a long blog post over a year ago about the Trilogy and what each game meant to me. Reading about what this Trilogy mans to you and what your Commander Shepard means to you really resonated with me. I play choice-based games as if I myself was the one there if that makes sense. I think of what I would do in real life and make those decisions. When I tell people this, they think I am backwards because they say playing games is all about doing things you won’t be able to do in real life, and I get that. For me, however, I see choice-based games as a reflection of myself, and that is what my Commander Shepard was. He was all the better parts of me, and he made me want to be a better person. This Trilogy taught me all the same things you mentioned: friendship, bravery, teamwork, hope; things we all need in this life. Wishing you well
Hi Kojo,
I completely understand, I also play choice-based games trying to better myself through the characters. I like to think that I would make the right choices if need be, Commander Shepard is but one of the characters that helped me but she is will always be my hero :)
Thank you for sharing your story with me and I would love to read your post if you want to share it with me :)
Lots of Love
AzuraCub
Projecting oneself into Shepherd’s boots was fun as it made us want to be good people (or sometimes bad) helping those in need, making allies and friends where you trusted each other without a second thought, and experiences with those characters that are both memorable and heart breaking. But by god, you weren’t going to forget those experiences. Great post Azzy!